White Moms with Black Daughters, Don’t Be Like Kim Kardashian

Hello Meltingpot Readers,

It seems that last week Kim Kardashian was doing what she does best, courting controversy. What had happened was…The reality TV star, expert self-promoter and mother of three, came under fire for wearing her hair in Fulani braids to the MTV Movie Awards earlier this month. She was accused of cultural appropriation, which was made worse because folks were still salty over the fact that the last time she wore hair in braids, she referred to the style as Bo-Derek braids. *dramatic eyeroll*

But this time around, Kardashian had a ready excuse for why she wore her hair in the micro braid extensions. She wasn’t trying to disrespect anybody’s culture, she was just trying to make her daughter feel comfortable with her hair by wearing the same hairstyle. Remember, Kardashian is married to Kanye West and her daughter, North, has dark brown skin and curly hair. In other words, North looks like a Black girl and her mama doesn’t.

If Kim Kardashian were a regular (read: non-celebrity) white woman who was trying to do her best to give her biracial daughter a jolt of self-confidence by showing her that “Black hairstyles” were just as pretty, if not prettier, than plain straight hair, then I’d probably be giving her a thumbs up for effort, but I would still explain to her that imitation isn’t always flattery. I’d tell her to tell her daughter that there are some styles that look better with Black hair and some that look better with white girl hair. And also, even if her daughter is wearing braids and she’s not, there are still ways to have matching hairstyles. The braids could be put in ponytails and mom could put her hair in ponytails too. Or mom could wear braids that don’t require imitating a traditionally Black hairstyle. And here’s one more thing I’d say, try matching outfits instead of hairdo’s and avoid so much of these complications.

But, since this is Kim Kardashian we’re talking about, I’m going to assume this isn’t just a, “I need to help my daughter’s self-esteem situation.” Why? Because Kim Kardashian has made a career out of courting attention without actually having a scrap of talent. She is a master of overexposure and big moments. The way I see it, Kim could be wearing Fulani braids all day and everyday at home when she’s with her daughter. They could be matchy-matchy 24/7. But when she has a public appearance to make and she knows she’s going to photographed (and critiqued) she could easily select another hairstyle that would not cause such a commotion. But commotion is Kim K.’s oxygen. She needs it to survive so I’m sure she was very much aware that she’d be in the headlines with her Fulani braids. And of course she was. Headlines. Trending on social media. Articles by bloggers one week later. We’ve all given her what she wanted. Attention.

So, here’s the take-home hair lesson: Ignore Kim Kardashian. And white moms with Black daughters, teaching your daughters to love their hair doesn’t require you to wear the same hairstyle as them. In fact, that could be completely backfire on you. Instead, take good care of their hair, learn how to style it so they feel pretty, and load on the compliments. Also, provide them with as many visual examples as possible – books, TV shows, movies, magazines – of Black girls and women who love their beautiful hair.

You can thank me later.

Now, do I have any readers who are white with Black daughters? What have you done to make sure your daughter loves her hair? I’m sure others would love to hear your stories, so please share. I’m totally listening.

Peace + Hair Grease!