I Moved to the Land Of Siestas but Still Haven’t Taken A Nap!

A wise woman once said:

“Moving abroad is the path not the answer to the life you want to lead.”

That wise woman was me and yet it has taken this long for me to realize the truth in that statement. I moved to Spain to pursue a more creative life and to focus on my writing career. But instead of doing that, I launched a new business and filled my days – and nights – with busy work. I literally moved to the country that invented the siesta, but have yet to give myself permission to take a nap!

What I Thought Would Happen When I Moved to Spain

When I envisioned my new life in Spain, I saw myself living some sort of bohemian, creative life where I wore a lot of caftans like Mrs. Roper from Three’s Company. I imagined myself writing wonderful novels, delicious children’s books, and possibly taking up painting. I thought I would be spending more quality time with my children, and I would catch up on the years of sleep I’ve missed out on by being a full-time wife and mother, a full-time academic on the tenure track, and a full-time journalist for these last 10+ years.

What Actually Happened When I Moved to Spain

To be fair, it’s only been about six months, so this is not a travesty I’m about to describe, but I will admit I turned left when I should have turned right. Basically, instead of coming to Spain and taking a minute to settle in and find my way to the creative life I so craved and desired, I signed up for a course on entrepreneurship. I do actually love the idea of running my own business and I did enjoy the course, but starting a new business was not supposed to be in the cards for me.

But I did it anyway. And in classic over-achiever style, I didn’t just launch a Facebook page and call myself a business owner, no, I went all in. Got the website, the IG account, officially registered the business, and asked all of my friends and family to support me. And then I proceeded to do what I always do with a new project, I threw myself 100 percent into making it a spectacular success. Sunday through Sunday, from the minute I woke up until the moment before I fell into an exhausted sleep at night, I was dedicated to getting the business up and running. Needless to say, I wasn’t doing a whole lot of creative writing during this time.

I Am Addicted to Busy

It took about five months of this obscene pace of living for me to start to realize that I had traded a crazy, busy life in the United States, for a crazy, busy life in Spain. And just because I was now my own boss, didn’t make the busy any better. Not to mention, I was still nowhere near living my fantasy life of a creative writer. And my caftan collection was hanging untouched in my closet.

Thank God I have good friends who know me and know my addictions and habits, my hopes and my dreams. And one such friend told me – after listening to me lament about the mess I had made of my new life abroad – that I should stop chastising  myself and just recognize that being busy is a habit I’ve cultivated for my entire life.

It’s true. I’ve always had 17 balls in the air at the same time, and for the most part, have managed to juggle them pretty successfully. So, why would I come to the land of siestas and just instinctively know how to relax and take a nap? Why would I know how to live a life fueled by creativity and writing and not external deadlines, busy work, and endless meetings on Zoom?  My friend was right. So very right. My default self is addicted to busy. I would literally need to buy an instructional manual to learn how to live a different type of life, a creative life.

So, that’s what I did.

How to Live a Creative Life

Once I realized that I am addicted to being busy and that I don’t actually know what a creative writer’s life looks like, I decided to do what one always does when looking for answers. I turned to the Internet. Actually, that’s not entirely true. First, I listened to a bunch of podcast episodes and stumbled on an interview with this fascinating man who teaches creatives how to get back in touch with their creative soul. That’s when I turned to the Internet and looked this man up. His ideas really resonated with me, but the price tag for his teaching did not. Still, I signed up for his newsletter, read all of the free content on his website and created my own 100-Day Creative Challenge. Instead of paying $5000 for this man’s course, I paid $7.99 for a copy of Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way. And I’m currently going through the process she lays out for living a creative life. I’m also re-reading Elizabeth Gilbert’s Big Magic:Creative Living Beyond Fear. These are literally my instruction books, my new bibles for creative living. What’s more, I’ve banned myself from engaging on social media during the day and I’ve upgraded reading fiction from a nighttime treat to a daily requirement.

Permission to take a Nap

Now the only thing I still need to work on is taking a nap, or a siesta, if you will. All the medical professionals agree that napping is really good for your health. Napping can boost your creativity. There’s even a nap ministry proclaiming the liberating power of the nap. And yet and still, my age-old addiction to busy and the lingering vice grip of America’s hustle culture won’t allow me to lay this body down in the middle of the day and take a break. It feels wrong. It feels lazy. It feels like wasted time when I could be getting something important accomplished. Truth be told, I’m even struggling with reading during the daytime. I love reading so much that taking time to do it during the day feels like cheating. It feels like eating dessert before dinner. Like a luxury I haven’t earned. Isn’t that ridiculous? How can I be a writer if I don’t spend significant time reading?

Finding Joy in the Journey to Creative Living

So, here’s where I am right now. I am in the middle of this journey of actually leaning into the creative life I imagined when I decided to move to Spain. Yes, I made a few mistakes in setting up the life I wanted, but I am course correcting and working intensely on living the life of a full-time writer.  I shuttered the business I launched and am generously forgiving myself for quitting something I started. I’m working on my novel, I’m returning to writing regular blog posts, and I’ve even rekindled my love affair with writing poetry. I’m doing morning meditations and I started paining for fun. I’m not sure what my creative life will ultimately look like, but that’s okay. In fact, that’s part of the joy and the challenge for me – not knowing exactly what the destination is, but moving forward anyway.

And in the meantime, I’m going to get my caftans out of the closet and I’m going to try to take a nap.

Wish me luck!