Moving abroad with a family is not the same as moving abroad as a single person or with your boo. It’s hard to upend your life, leave friends and family behind, and start over in a new country no matter what, but when you have a teenager and a tween in tow, the challenges get more complicated. Everybody keeps asking me how my kids are handling our upcoming move to Spain and for now I can say that two out of the three are excited, but of course that’s not the whole story.
These Seeds Were Planted Long Ago
One of the best decisions el esposo and I made early on in this process, was to tell our kids right away that we were thinking about moving to Spain. Even though we weren’t 100 percent sure we were going to be able to pull off a move, we wanted them to have as much time as possible to get used to the idea. Therefore, when we finally confirmed that we were in fact moving, they were neither shocked nor upset. They basically shrugged and said, okay. Babygirl wanted to know if we could get a house with a pool. There were zero tears or fits.
The Pandemic Made this Possible
Ironically, I have the pandemic to thank for making this transition easier on my kids. Both of my younger kids, one is 16, the other is 9, have been going to school in their bedrooms for over a year now. Because they attend public schools, they’ve had to do virtual school whether they wanted to or not. I feel very fortunate that both of them have handled the online school experience with little complaint, but they both miss their friends and their regular activities. That being said, the move to Spain has simply become something exciting for them to look forward to after months of drudgery. Yes, it’s entirely possible that when we get to Spain, they will be sitting in their rooms again waiting for the end of the pandemic, but in their eyes, at least it is something different.
In addition, because of the pandemic, the kids haven’t been able to see their friends, except on screens for the most part. Therefore, it is going to be a little bit easier for them to say goodbye. Another way to look at it, since they’ve been staying connected with their friends virtually these last several months, they’ve already set up a pattern of communication that can be easily continued from Spain!
One Down, Two Will Go
I already mentioned in a previous post that my eldest child – who is 19 – will not be coming with us to Spain. At 19 he feels like his life is here in the United States. He says he will visit us, and I believe he will, but I am devastated that he won’t be with us on this new journey. One of the reasons we’re taking this leap into a new life is because we want to give our bicultural children an opportunity to experience their Spanish culture as natives, not tourists. So, if one child isn’t coming, to a certain extent, I feel like we failed him as parents. I’m still keeping my fingers crossed that he will join us eventually.
Moving Abroad with Teens and Tweens Requires (Lots of) Planning
Obviously moving to an entirely new country requires a lot of paperwork and planning, whether you’re alone or with a family. But when you have school-age children, the level of planning, preparation and ground work increases ten-fold. Finding the right school for your soon-to-be ten-year-old who speaks decent Spanish is hard. Finding a high school for a rising senior who speaks Spanish, but who doesn’t read or write at grade level is like finding a needle in a haystack. What we’ve decided to do is have our son repeat 11th grade to give him more time to acclimate to a new school, new country and new language. This decision was made after a lot of consultation with school principals, families and friends. Again, thanks to the pandemic, which caused my son to lose an entire year of in-person school, he’s not too terribly upset about having the opportunity for a re-do of his third year of high school. We kind of suspected this would be the situation, so we started floating the idea of repeating 11th grade early so my son wouldn’t feel like this was a last-minute punishment of some sort.
Anything Could Happen
At the end of the day, I know that moving abroad with my family isn’t going to be a perfectly smooth ride, not matter how much planning and preparation I do. I’m trying my hardest to prepare for the best and the worst, while hoping to land somewhere in between. I feel extremely grateful that my children have such open-minded attitudes about our Spanish adventure, because I’ve heard horror stories about kids kicking and screaming all the way across the ocean and even demanding to go back home after just a few months in their new country. I pray that’s not our situation. I truly hope that our children learn to love their life in Spain and enjoy the experience. They may decide to move back to the United States as adults. They may move to Madagascar. Who knows? I just hope they enjoy this journey and that it enriches their lives.
If you’ve move abroad with kids, how did you prepare them? What are some things you wish you had done differently or lessons you learned along the way? I’d love to hear any advice or suggestions!
(Featured photo by Nubia Navarro (nubikini) from Pexels)
