Hello Meltingpot Community,
This Wednesday is going to be a big day in the MAMP household. Why? Because my baby is getting her first haircut. But Ms. Meltingpot, isn’t your so-called baby, eight years old? Yes, dear readers, my daughter is eight, but I’ve never cut her hair. (Save that one time when she tried to give herself a dredlock and I had to hack a chunk of hair off because it was so tangled.)
You may be wondering, is there a cultural reason why I’ve waited so long to cut my daughter’s hair. And the answer is yes and no. Let me explain.
Baby’s First Haircut in Black America
So, it’s no surprise that hair means a lot to Black people. Therefore, hair rituals and hair culture are also important. In the Black community, there are a lot of superstitions and traditions that suggest that cutting a child’s hair – boy or girl – before age one brings bad luck. And that bad luck could range from run-of-the-mill bad luck like getting sick on your birthday, or it could mean that one’s hair will never grow. Either option sounds no bueno to me, so I did not take a scissors to any of my kids’ hair before their first birthday.
Now, with my boys, once they turned one and their hair really started to sprout into big pouffy Afros, I reveled in their “big hair.” Until it just became too big and a hassle to manage. So, we cut it. We made a big deal about the first cut at the kiddie hair salon in NYC and no judgement, I still have a lock of my first son’s hair in his baby book. Yeah, me and Heidi Klum kept our sons’ hair (But note, I don’t use mine for art projects like Heidi reportedly does.)
But with my daughter, it was different. We passed that first year birthday and my daughter’s hair was still mostly straight. There was no need for my baby to get a haircut.. Then as she got older, it started to curl a bit at the ends and around her edges. I think we were all just waiting to see what her hair was actually going to look like and we didn’t want to cut it and stop the process of her hair’s evolution.
Long Hair Don’t Care
By the time my daughter was five, her hair was thick and long and curly. She liked it and I liked it. It was fun to braid (Although, true confession, my braiding skills are severely limited to two or three uber basic styles. Like one braid or two braids. ) and on special occasions we let it go free and she would whip it back and forth. But mostly, she wears those two braids that I can easily master on school mornings and before dance class.
But recently, babygirl has started talking about cutting her hair. Many of her white girlfriends returned to school this year with short bobs and my daughter wanted in on the action. She also wanted to shave the side of her hair like another friend of hers. Also white.
You Don’t Have White Girl Hair
One of the fears I’ve always had once I became a girl mom, was that my daughter would want white girl hair. Ironically, for the first year of her life, I prayed she wouldn’t have white girl hair because she was so pale, people thought she was white. I figured her hair would be the only visually Black thing about her. Luckily, her melanin kicked in and her hair did get quite curly. But thankfully, she has never “asked for blonde hair” or lusted after straight hair, but she is excited about getting a bob. So, we had to have the talk where I explained that if she cut her hair as short as her friends, her hair would probably look like a curly Afro, not a bob. And do you know what she said, dear readers? She said, “Okay, then I want an Afro.” Just like that. No lusting after what she can’t have. No disappointment over an Afro instead of a bob. *YES!*
So, after that, when I realized that babygirl’s desire for a haircut wasn’t a passing fad, i.e. after months of pestering me to make her a hair appointment, I finally made the call. I figured, it has been seven years since her first birthday, I suppose she’s cleared the bad luck realm. And now the fun part comes. Trying to figure out exactly what kind of cut to get.
Mixed Kid Searching for the Perfect Cut
I am really happy that I live in a multiracial neighborhood because finding a salon that caters to all textures and races was easy. The tricky part is finding a style or cut that babygirl is happy with and that will be easy for me to maintain. Because sweet baby Jesus, I am not a hair mom. I do not want to have to spend hours doing hair or be forced to buy fancy products. We have a nice nightly braiding routine now that I would love to keep, or even make shorter. Last night we started searching for styles for mixed girls and the Internet overwhelmed us. But we’ll keep looking.
Black Hair Matters
I’m just excited to experience babygirl’s first official haircut this week. I’m also looking forward to seeing what her hair will look like once it’s cut. Will her curls be bouncier? More defined? Will she look more mature? What I’m not looking forward to are the comments from the older Black women in our life (ahem, you know who you are) gnashing their teeth like the world was ending because I’m letting my child cut off her long hair. Can I get a witness?
At the end of the day, I know cutting a Black child’s hair comes with issues that extend far beyond style. I’m glad I’m part of this community that has traditions and rituals around hair though. I love that I can share the stories and superstitions with my kids and hope they pass them on to their own kids. True story, my 77-year-old father just took my 18-year-old son to his barber in Florida. This man apparently is a Black barbering legend and has his own barbering museum in his shop. He spent an hour showing my son his collection of artifacts and telling him stories about his life and my son, who rarely cares about “history,” was enraptured. I was thrilled to hear that from my son, and didn’t even mention to him that I, um, wrote a book about Black hair history in case he was interested in learning more.
If you want to see how Babygirl’s salon experience goes on Wednesday, follow me on Instagram. I’ll post pictures there. In the meantime, tell me, how old were your kids when they got their first hair cut? Are there any specific hair rituals and traditions in your culture? Tell me about them. You know I’m listening.
Peace!
