Hello Meltingpot Community,
If you’ve been a regular reader of this blog, then you know that being a mother is one of of my most important jobs, and Mom is an identity I cherish. That being said, being a mother is one of the hardest jobs I’ve ever had and parenting teens – I have two teen boys – is hands down the hardest part. Seriously, mothers of teens should have get a mandatory support group and a medal.
Last year my eldest went through a very difficult time and my parenting skills were seriously tested. To say tears were shed would be an understatement. But we got through the worst parts and are now making our way in fits and starts. It’s a daily adventure. In some ways, last year felt like a total loss, in the sense that I felt completely useless to help my son get through what he was dealing with. I remember at the worst moments crying to my own mother saying I was just failing at everything. I still get emotional remembering those days. But like I said, we got through it.
When it Rains it Pours
Meanwhile, while my eldest son was commanding most of my attention, son #2 was doing his best to not cause any of his own trouble. I was grateful that he could sense that I had little extra to give while I focused on his brother. The thing was, son # 2 wasn’t exactly staying out of trouble. He was just keeping quiet about the fact that he was struggling in school. And when I say “struggling,” I mean everything from being challenged in certain academic courses, like math, but also, struggling with the idea that homework isn’t optional. Yeah, he’s that kind of kid.
So, when I finally got to the point when I could focus on son #2, I was horrified to see how low his grades were and how poor his study habits had become. We got him a tutor for math. We made him do his homework at the dining room table instead of in his room. We started checking his assignments with him. Needless to say, he passed his first year of high school, but it didn’t feel like a great accomplishment because we had to drag him across the finish line.
Turning the Corner to Success
So, here we are today. We’re only one semester into the new year, but I am so proud of Son #2. His first semester grades are stellar. They’re not perfect, but wow, what a difference. His report card is reflective of a child who cares about his grades and who has figured out how to not only excel in his classes, but to ask for help when he needs it (something he wasn’t willing to do last year.) The best part is that I see that he is proud of himself. The other night when I walked in the door from work, I didn’t have time to take off my coat before he was flashing his first quarter grades in my face! That has never happened before, dear readers. In the past he’d hide his grades from me. I almost cried. (Yes, I cry a lot.)
So, why am I sharing this little win with you today? Because I know how hard it is to raise teenagers. I know that the struggle is so real and often feels like it is never ending. I know that mothers of newborns and toddlers have mommy groups where they can share their frustrations and society is predisposed to grant them grace.
But mothers of teens? We’re supposed to have our shit together and if we don’t, we suffer in silence.
Since I have this little platform, I want other mothers of teens to know that I see you and I hear your cries of help and despair. I don’t think I have all my shit together when it comes to parenting at all, but there’s hope and help in the sharing.
Celebrate the Little Wins
And that’s what I’m doing. I’m sharing this little win to say, sometimes they do listen. Sometimes they just need more time. Sometimes they will surprise you with their own wins and you will cry. So, celebrate the wins. Celebrate that teenager who you wanted to lock in a closet the day before. Enjoy the win together. Eat ice cream and sip hot cocoa with marshmallows. Because we all know, another challenge is right around the corner. But even thought I know it’s coming, right now I’m just enjoying this wonderful moment.
How do you handle the wins and loses in parenting your teens? I’d love to hear some of your stories.
Peace!
